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I like to explain to myself some important life lessons through little stories. Maybe it’s to entertain myself and find humor in all those serious life lessons I keep thinking about every day. Last week during a long drive, I concluded that life is like a highway. The moment you come to this world, you are put behind the wheel, and you drive. Every day, every moment of that day, you are there driving. Just like on a literal highway, you can never go back the same way. There is only one way, and that is forward. The cars of our life are driving straight ahead at all times except when we consciously decide to change the course, make a stop, take the exit, etc. Otherwise, we just keep going straight, wherever the road takes us.
All caught up in my analogies while literally driving on a literal highway, I had to come back to reality for a moment to check where I was and whether it was time already to take my exit. I knew which exit I had to take, so I was keeping an eye on it.
This launches me instantly to a discussion that I had with my boyfriend couple of days ago. It was about a situation that is couple of months ahead in our lives. I asked him whether he thought about it, whether he considered this and that aspect of it, whether he was sure what he was going to do. He was quite displeased that I have expected him to have thought about all those things already, so much ‘ahead of time’. He told me: ‘You, Martina, think that we can know everything, but we cannot know everything. I will figure it out when the time comes’. You are absolutely right, honey, we can not know everything, and we don’t need to. However, it is crucial to know into which category this ‘not knowing’ of yours belongs to. Whether it is about a destination or conditions on the road.
A destination is a bigger picture. A destination is where we are going in the long run. Destination is to decide where we want to be in our career in two years, in which direction we want our new business to go or how we think our relationship will look like if he gets that job of his dreams in Australia. If you did not decide on those things, you did not decide on a destination. When it comes to a destination, the big picture, you need to decide on it as soon as possible. Otherwise, on that highway you are driving, but you have no idea where you are going.
Imagine that you are on the road, and you are driving to Moscow. Did you ask yourself whether you actually want to go to Moscow? Did you even check the signs on the road to check where you are going? And before you decide that Moscow is a cool place, have you really considered any other destinations? No? That is what most people do, they simple don’t check. They don’t ask themselves where they are going. They just drive, and then one day they wake up in Moscow: ‘But I want to be in Paris!’ – ‘Well, I am guessing it was possible to check beforehand, but no problem, you can go to Paris now.’ – ‘I don’t want to drive to Paris now, Paris is far away!’ – ‘Well, yes, but if that’s where you want to be…’ – ‘But I already did all this road! I am tired of driving!’ – ‘Yes, sure, but if you want to be in Paris this is the only way.’ Twenty eight hours more. You are exhausted, you are tired and you have lost all your will to even be in bloddy Paris. My question to you is: ‘Why didn’t you think of that when you were around Strasbourg?’ It would have been much easier to get to Paris from there. You would have taken the right highway right there.
So, my question for my boyfriend was: Do you know whether you want to be in Moscow, Paris or Amsterdam? See, because if you don’t know, we will be driving endlessly around Europe. And for someone to really know where he wants to go, he needs to think about all destinations that he might want to go to, compare them and then decide. When you don’t think of a bigger picture in life, you are simply headed wherever the road takes you. Maybe you think the destination doesn’t matter to you, but I know that it does. There is always one place we would rather be at than the other. Do you feel like vodka and borscht, crazy night life or romantic walks by the Seine? You better decide before you find yourself in the middle of a live sex show you were not ready to watch at this time of the day!
No matter what happens, we are always driving ahead on our life highway. No matter what happens we are always making a decision. In every single moment of that drive. Even when we are driving just straight ahead, we are deciding that we will do so rather than take a break, take another highway, etc. Even if we pretend that we are not driving, even if we cover our eyes and pretend that the road is not there, or we are not there or the car is not there, we will still be driving somewhere – towards the last destination we have decided to go to. We will be driving in that direction until we change our mind. We will be continuing until we decide to take the exit, have some coffee or fuel up.
The earlier you decide on a destination, the faster and easier you will get there. That’s why it is important to know WHERE you are going and WHY. If you know where you are going, and your desire to go exactly there is strong enough, you won’t have any problems whatsoever on the road. Anything that comes your way will only be a temporary slowdown. As soon as the conditions are better, you will be on the road again. There won’t be anything on the way that will really be able to stop you.
Once you know what your destination is, you don’t need to have any other answer right now.. You don’t have to worry about HOW you will get there. Once you are on the road, you will figure it out day after day, kilometre after kilometre. If the road is blocked, you will take an alternative route. It won’t be a problem even if the road is closed for a week – you will come back after that. You know where you are going, so you will continue. Day after day you will take a step forward and eventually you will get there. If there is a traffic jam, you will sit through it. You might decide to even sing your way through it. You are going to Paris, baby!!
Dream about your destination, ask Google about your destination (Via voice command only! Don’t type while driving!), fall in love with your destination 100 times a day. And one day if you decide you don’t love it anymore, ask Google about an alternative destination, and head there instead. Just make sure that you have thought about the destinations, you have considered them, and you are heading there. Not somewhere where you don’t want to be.
Odluke i destinacije…zašto je to važno?
Volim si objasniti važne životne lekcije kroz male pričice. Možda je to da se zabavim i pronađem humor u svim tim ozbiljnim životnim lekcijama o kojima mislim svaki dan. Prošli tjedan tokom duge vožnje, zaključila sam da je život kao autocesta. Od trenutka kad dođeš na ovaj svijet stavljen si iza upravljača i voziš. Svaki dan, svaki trenutak svakog dana ti si tamo i voziš. Baš kao i na stvarnoj autocesti, nikad se ne možeš vratiti istim putem. Postoji samo jedan pravac, a to je naprijed. Auti naših života uvijek voze ravno osim kad svjesno odlučimo da ćemo promijeniti smjer, stati, izaći s autoceste, itd. U svakom drugom slučaju, vozimo ravno, gdje god nas cesta odvede.
Sva angažirana u svojim analogijama vozeći stvarnom autocestom trebala sam se vratiti na trenutak u stvarnost da provjerim je li vrijeme za moj izlaz. Znala sam na kojem izlazu trebam izaći, pa sam provjeravala stanje.
Ta me moja radnja lansirala u raspravu koju sam vodila s dečkom prije nekoliko dana. Radilo se o situaciji koja nadolazi u našim životima za nekoliko mjeseci. Pitala sam ga je li razmišljao o tome, je li uzeo u obzir ovaj i onaj aspekt, je li siguran da zna što želi učiniti. Nije bio zadovoljan time što sam od njega očekivala da je već sada o svemu tome razmislio, toliko prije ‘vremena’. Rekao mi je: ‘Ti, Martina, misliš da možemo sve znati. Ne možemo znati sve. O tome ću razmišljati kad dođe vrijeme’. U pravu si, dragi, ne možemo znati sve, i ne moramo. Međutim, presudno je znati u koju kategoriju tvoje ‘neznanje’ spada. Radi li se o destinaciji ili o uvjetima na putu.
Destinacija je slika iz pričje perspektive. Destinacija je gdje želimo biti na duge staze. Destinacija je odlučiti gdje želimo biti u svojoj karijeri za dvije godine, u kojem smjeru želimo razvijati svoj novi biznis ili kako mislimo da će naša veza izgledati ako on dobije taj posao svojih snova u Australiji. Ako nisi odlučio o tim stvarima, nisi odlučio o destinaciji. Kad se radi o destinaciji, pričjoj perspektivi situacije, o njoj je dobro odlučiti što prije. Inače, na toj autocesti ti voziš, ali nemaš pojma gdje ideš.
Zamisli da si na cesti, i voziš prema Moskvi. Jesi li se zapitao želiš li uopće ići u Moskvu? Jesi li uopće provjerio znakove kraj ceste da provjeriš gdje uopće ideš? Prije nego odlučiš da je Moskva cool mjesto, jesi li uopće razmotrio druge destinacije? Ne? To je ono što većina ljudi radi, oni jednostavno ne provjeravaju. Ne pitaju se gdje idu. Oni samo voze i jednog se dana probude u Moskvi: ‘Ali ja želim biti u Parizu!’ – ‘Pretpostavljam da da si mogao to provjeriti prije, ali nema problema, možeš sada krenuti u Pariz’. –’Ne želim sada voziti za Pariz, Pariz je daleko!’. –’Da, ali ako je to gdje želiš biti…’ –’Ali već sam prevalio cijeli taj put, umoran sam od vožnje!’ – ‘Jasno, ali ako želiš biti u Parizu, to je jedini način. Dvadeset osam dodatnih sati. Iscrpljen si, umoran i izgubio si svu volju da uopće budeš u glupom Parizu! Moje pitanje je: ‘Zašto nisi mislio na to kad si bio u Strasbourgu?’ Bilo bi puno lakše doći do Pariza od tamo. Od tamo bi skrenuo na pravu autocestu.
Pitanje za mog dečka bilo je: Znaš li želiš li biti u Moskvi, Parizu ili Amsterdamu? Gledaj, ako ne znaš, vozit ćemo se Europom do kraja vremena. Kako bi netko znao gdje želi ići, treba razmisliti o svim destinacijama koje želi uzeti u obzir, usporediti ih i odlučiti. Kad ne sagledaš situaciju iz ptičje perspektive, jednostavno ideš gdje god te cesta odvede. Možda misliš da za tebe destinacija nema veze, ali ja znam da ima. Uvijek postoji jedno mjesto na kojem bismo radije bili nego drugo. Želiš li vodku i boršč, ludi noćni provod ili romantičnu šetnju kraj Seine? Bolje ti je da odlučiš prije nego se nađeš usred sex showa uživo u kojem nisi bio spreman sudjelovati u ovo doba dana!
Bez obzira što se dešava, mi uvijek vozimo naprijed na našoj autocesti života. Bez obzira što se dogodilo, mi uvijek donosimo jednu ili drugu odluku. U svakom trenutku te vožnje. Čak i kada vozimo ravno, mi odlučujemo da ćemo nastaviti tim putem radije nego uzeti stanku, promijeniti autocestu, itd. Čak i ako se pravimo da ne vozimo, čak i ako zatvorimo oči i pravimo se da cesta ne postoji, ili da mi ne postojimo ili da auto ne postoji, mi svejedno negdje vozimo – prema posljednjoj destinaciji na koju smo odlučili otići. Voziti ćemo u tom smjeru dok ne odlučimo promijeniti mišljenje. Nastaviti ćemo dok ne odlučimo izaći s te autoceste, stati i popiti kavu, natočiti gorivo, itd.
Što prije odlučiš o destinaciji, brže i lakše ćeš tamo stići. To je razlog zašto je važno znati GDJE ideš i ZAŠTO. Ako znaš gdje ideš i tvoja je želja da tamo stigneš dovoljno jaka, nećeš imati nikakvih problema na cesti. Što god se nađe na tvom putu biti će samo privremeno usporenje. Čim se uvjeti poprave, ti ćeš ponovno biti na cesti. Neće postojati ništa na cesti što bi te doista moglo zaustaviti.
Jednom kad znaš koja je tvoja destinacija, ne moraš imati ni jedan drugi odgovor. Ne moraš brinuti KAKO ćeš tamo stići. Jednom kad si na cesti, pronaći ćeš odgovore na situacije koje se nalaze ispred tebe. Dan za danom, kilometar za kilometrom. Ako je cesta blokirana, naći ćeš alternativnu rutu. Neće biti problem čak i ako je cesta zatvorena tjedan dana – vratiti ćeš se za tjedan dana i nastaviti. Znaš gdje ideš, nastavit ćeš čim se uvjeti poboljšaju. Dan za danom ići ćeš korak dalje dok ne stigneš na svoju destinaciju. Ako bude gužva u prometu, odsjedit ćeš je. Možda ćeš čak i odlučiti da je odsjediš pjevajući. Ideš u Pariz, baby!!
Sanjaj o svojoj destinaciji, pitaj Google o svojoj destinaciji (Glasovnom komadom! Ne tipkaj dok voziš!), zaljubi se u svoju destinaciju. Ako jednog dana odlučiš da je više ne voliš, pitaj Google o drugoj destinaciji i kreni tamo. Samo budi siguran da si se informirao o destinacijama, da si svaku uzeo u obzir i da si na pravom putu. Ka onoj destinaciji na kojoj želiš biti, ne ka nekoj drugoj.